The Ancient Art of Driving

Yesterday, I had a bunch of people who seemed to want to slow me down at every turn. I knew it was going to be one of those days when I was trapped behind an idiot in a Honda CRX talking to another idiot in a BMW 335i who were taking up the only two lanes on the road.

Of course, when I used a turn lane to pass them, the Bimmer tried to punch it and play, which didn’t work as I smoked him completely..

Rule #1: Do not get between a fat man and his food.

While driving to my friend’s birthday bash, I found myself being “played with” by a few other folks. This is a distraction, and quite frankly, the best solution is to spank them and let them see my taillights get closer and closer as I streak over the horizon.

The victims?

1 Porsche Cayman S
1 BMW 750iL

Rule #2: See Rule #1

Finally, a friend of mine decided to do a side-by-side acceleration test of his car (2002 BMW M3) and my car, and while it was neck and neck, I edged him out too.

Rule #3: Do not provoke the owner of the yellow car.